spirituality

Pondering 2020: Home Renovations, Pandemics, and Such

~ Lisa Naeger Shea ~ Leave a comment

Ripped Up Kitchen

For 11 weeks and counting, the Shea house inhabitants have been eating embarrassing amounts of takeout, blowing through inexcusable piles of paper and plastic products, and clumsily bumping into boxes and out-of-place furniture as our kitchen renovation drags on like a snail toting a turtle.

What’s even more shameful than the nutritional and environmental failings is that I’ve been a big, whiny baby about every mishap that has delayed this project. No, that’s only partly true. I’ve also been combative and borderline rude.

I’ve taken on the appliance store. I’ve taken on the flooring company. I’ve taken on the furniture store and the furniture manufacturer. I’ve questioned the plumbing bill, the cabinetry bill, and the appliance installation charges.

Along the way, I’ve reminded myself I’m lucky to have such problems while others are facing real hardships because, oh, by the way, there’s a global pandemic going on! I calm down for a little while and put things in perspective. Until the next injustice — real or perceived — occurs and then I remount my high horse and prepare for battle.

The pandemic for me has been little more than a backdrop, a dramatic play starring other people while I’ve been busy with work, family, and mostly, my unfortunate new role of general contractor. As family and friends have expressed their COVID-related fears and frustrations, I’ve listened and nodded but simply couldn’t relate.

Recently, though, I had one of those dramatic self-awareness moments, like an old timey cartoon lightbulb over my head. Perhaps, I mused, I haven’t exhibited classic pandemic stress because I’ve been transferring my feelings about the state of the world onto the renovation project!

As I pondered the possibility, I could see that I had truly turned our kitchen into a microcosm for all that is wrong in our universe right now. Not just the pandemic, but the political, racial, religious, and other polarizations; the natural disasters; pretty much everything in the headlines. I hadn’t been unaffected, after all. I’d been complaining and lashing out, frustrated and fearful. I’d just been taking it out on the wrong things. And the wrong people.

While it’s been about a week since this revelation, I’ve still struggled a bit with this negative, defensive mindset. At Mass this morning, as we recited the Penitential Rite like we do every Sunday, I found myself drawn into the words:

I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters,

that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words,

in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do…

 I felt compelled to ask forgiveness for every disparaging thought and word I’ve directed at this renovation project and the people related to it. And so, I did. And I felt immediate peace wash over me.

Countertops come this week. The backsplash will follow next month. One thing I can count on is that there will be glitches, possibly resulting in more delays (and more money). It is highly probable, though, that the kitchen will be finished long before the pandemic and other challenges are resolved.

I hope my newfound resolve to be less whiny, less judgmental, more forgiving, and more kind can be sustained not just for the remainder of our renovation, but long after that distraction is gone and I fully engage again with the real challenges at hand.

Soft Filters Make the Big Picture Clearer

~ Lisa Naeger Shea ~ Leave a comment

Closeup Of Woman With Camera

There’s nothing like a break in routine to heighten the senses. It’s one of the reasons I love to travel.

Despite waking at 3:45, I was completely alert during my layover a few hours later. Like many airports, Atlanta’s doubles as an impressive art gallery. The long stroll between terminals was a sensory feast. An exhibit above an electric sidewalk featured multi-colored metal and lights that mimicked a canopy of leaves, complete with squawking bird sounds. A long curved section of wall bore dozens of multi-media pieces created by local children.

This piquing of the senses could have had something to do with how much I enjoyed my overpriced food court breakfast. The more-than-adequate bacon and eggs came with an amazing medley of red, white, and sweet potatoes, with slightly crisp skins yielding to fluffy, not-too-firm, not-too-soft insides.

As I savored the last few bites, though, I realized there might have been something else at play. My phone, for a change, was tucked away in my backpack instead of near me on the table. I decided to leave it there for the remaining hour of my layover and to continue being more “present.”

Soon after, I noticed a woman looking in a mirror and fussing with her hair. I caught myself thinking it ironic that she cared so much about her hair, despite what an unflattering style it was. It’s a bad habit of mine, making quick, harsh judgments about other humans. Lately I’ve at least been catching myself and then trying to set my mind in a more positive direction.

So I decided to look for one pleasing feature in every person I saw until I boarded the plane. I immediately tuned into bright eyes, thick hair, turned up noses, impeccable pedicures, toned calves, and a lot of contagious smiles. I would have missed them all had I been tethered to my iPhone.

I also saw bruises and birthmarks, turned out feet, metal spikes through cartilage, and teeth that never had the privilege of orthodontics. I saw people. All God’s people. And I saw them with kinder eyes. I wanted to know their stories. Where did you get that bruise? Tell me about all your piercings and why you chose that tattoo. What did you do with your hands for so many years that you now suffer so from arthritis? I bet you get tired of people saying, “Wow, you’re tall.”

I found myself wanting to comfort a crying baby while his young mother dealt with a toddler and luggage. I wanted to reach out and touch an amazing crop of orangey-brown dreadlocks with bright red Beats nestled in them, but, of course, that would be creepy since they were attached to a complete stranger.

What I noticed next was the noise. Overlapping PA announcements, bickering siblings, squealing courtesy carts, and the drone of countless conversations converged like an angry, insane symphony. But it reminded me that the in-flight fullness in my ears had finally subsided, as had the headache that began just before boarding in St. Louis. Instead of being annoyed by the clatter, I felt grateful that I was feeling better.

The flight to New Orleans was perfect. Or maybe it just seemed perfect because I’d chosen to tune into life, and to soften my point of view.

A Mom’s Advice to Her College Daughters

~ Lisa Naeger Shea ~ Leave a comment

college

I stumbled upon a 2011 post from my past blog titled “Advice for the Teen Years.” It was written in honor of our youngest becoming an official teen and our oldest celebrating her Sweet 16.

Before the end of this month, they—as well as the sister sandwiched between them–will head to their chosen universities as freshman, sophomore, and senior. So I tweaked the list—only slightly—to fit this chapter of their life stories. Here’s some motherly advice, in no particular order, and certainly not exhaustive!

  • Listen to something other than Top 40 once in a while to broaden your musical tastes.
  • Shoving everything under your bed is NOT the same as cleaning. That goes for our home, and your dorm, apartment, and future homes.
  • If you’re stressed because you saved all your homework for Sunday night, do not call me expecting sympathy. Same goes for term papers/projects left till the last minute.
  • Never fall for the phrase, “I want your honest opinion.”
  • Never date a guy you know would make a lousy husband or father, no matter how cool or good-looking you think he is. Things happen, and parenthood links two people for life.
  • Pay a little more for 2-ply. You’ll use twice as much 1-ply anyway, and it tends to be rough.
  • Your faith in God and opinions on religion will fluctuate throughout your life. Read, pray, question, and keep going to church, even when you feel it’s a waste of time. Like a garden, spirituality must be nurtured.
  • Don’t eat cake alone. It gets caught in your throat easily and it’s hard to call for help. If you must indulge, keep a glass of milk or water handy.
  • Remember that home is where your story began. We gave you roots. Now test your wings. But please come back often to tell us about the wonderful things you’ve done and seen.

If you’re parenting a teen or young adult, what advice would you add? Leave a comment!

Questions to Ask When I Want to Do It All But Can’t

~ Lisa Naeger Shea ~ Leave a comment

juggling-balls

As I continue purging possessions in a quest to de-clutter our home, I’ve also been taking inventory of how I spend my time. It’s a logical next step. Once our home becomes the bastion of serenity I’m envisioning, it would be nice to slow down long enough to enjoy it.

In the process I’ve created and crumpled various lists, spreadsheets, and diagrams in an effort to identify and rank my priorities. What I found is that life is messy. And while I can use calendars and lists and promises to say “no” in an effort to take control of my time, I’ve come to the conclusion that a life well-lived requires a high tolerance for detours and a willingness to accept that some seasons of that well-lived life will require, as a friend often says, “stuffing five pounds of sugar in a four-pound sack.” To extend the metaphor, right now I feel head-to-toe covered in sugar. But, heck, I love sugar!

While I’ve yet to master cutting back on how much I do, one perk of getting older is that I have gotten better at whittling away the things that drain my emotional energy. These are commitments made for the wrong reasons that leave me feeling like a maniac trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. Or that put me in social situations where I feel like a square peg surrounded by round pegs.

These poor decisions always stem from improper discernment. When I say “yes” because the request comes from someone I like and don’t want to disappoint.  When I think the cause is important and assume if I don’t do it no one else will, or they won’t do it as well. When I simply forget to take time to breath and think and pray before responding.

So instead of mapping out my Areas of Interest and Circles of Responsibility, in lieu of listing and ranking my Top Five Priorities, I developed some discernment questions.

For social opportunities:

  • Am I likely to experience physical/emotional rejuvenation or depletion?
  • Will I be among people who bring out the authentic (and best) me?

For personal development opportunities:

  • Am I likely to experience spiritual and/or intellectual growth?
  • If so, will that growth help me better serve my family, my employer, others?

For volunteer/service opportunities:

  • Is this a good fit for my time and talent, or might someone else be better suited?
  • Will what I’d be doing somehow rejuvenate not only me but also those I’ll be serving?

For all:

  • Will anyone else, especially my family, have to make sacrifices in order for me to do this? If so, have we discussed it and come to an agreement that everyone feels good about?
  • The most important question of all: Have I prayed and given God time to guide my decision?

I’d love to hear how you sort through the various opportunities that compete for your attention!

Not Having It All: My 100-Day Challenge

~ Lisa Naeger Shea ~ 2 Comments

 

I don’t watch Game of Thrones. I didn’t do the Bucket Challenge. I haven’t tried the Paleo Diet. I don’t care much for Adele. And I didn’t read “The Secret” or “Fifty Shades of Gray.” I began bucking trends in high school and in some ways I’m still that little rebel girl.

I did, however, recently start reading “The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own,” by Joshua Becker. As the title suggests, it advocates freedom from excess belongings. I’ve also noticed a crop of websites dedicated to this idea, and the growing popularity of TV shows like Tiny Houses, which documents hipsters downsizing into often-on-wheels micro dwellings in a quest for financial or geographical freedom. While the Minimalist Movement isn’t new, it’s certainly all the rage.

Setting aside my aversion to all things trendy, I was drawn to the title because despite accumulating a ridiculous amount of stuff in my lifetime, I prefer clean lines, simplicity and order. For the past decade I’ve all but forsaken recreational shopping and often imagined purging our home of every needless knickknack and unused item. What began as a décor preference, though, has evolved into a more spiritual aspiration. A desire to cleanse from the outside in.

Buying another book felt ironic, since it would then become another possession. I downloaded it instead. After two chapters I was ready to jump on the bandwagon.

One thing I like is that there are no rules for what constitutes minimalist living. I’m sure there’s spirited competition among purists. Some wander-lusting enthusiasts choose homelessness and carry their sparse possessions in backpacks. But Becker points out that the real idea is to find the level of freedom that feels right to you; his own family practices what he calls rational minimalism.

So this weekend, I posed a bold challenge to myself: give away, throw away or recycle 1,000 (or more) items in 100 days. When I shared this with my family, the responses were less enthusiastic than I’d expected.

  • Hubby (the eloquent packrat): “What?!? That’s fine, as long as you don’t touch any of my s***. Why don’t you start with the freezer that won’t close because it has too much crap in it?”
  • Daughter #1 (the skeptic and analyst): “You realize that’s 10 items a day, right?” (I birthed her just so someone could school me in basic math.)
  • Daughter #2 (the shopaholic): “We don’t have to be a part of this, do we?” (says the girl with a nail polish collection to rival any salon)
  • Daughter #3 (the snark-asm queen): “Go, Mom. Have fun with that.” (notice the lack of exclamation points)

I forged ahead, anyway. I planned to start July 1, but was restless to purge. So last night I tackled the freezer, as Hubby so lovingly suggested. I tossed 18 unopened, too-freezer-burned-to-eat items and then pledged to buy and waste less, especially with all three girls off to college in August.

This morning I left 24 pieces of clothing on the porch for a charity pick-up. I can already tell that finding 958 more items in 98 days won’t be difficult.

I’ll post progress reports on Facebook. If the challenge speaks to you, join me! Like the movement itself, there are no rules (or prizes). If you toss a box of old markers, you decide if it counts as one item or eight. Be sure to share how it’s going. After all, what fun is trend-following if you can’t talk about it?

P.S.  If you want more inspiration, Becker also has a great website and Facebook page, both titled Becoming Minimalist.