For 11 weeks and counting, the Shea house inhabitants have been eating embarrassing amounts of takeout, blowing through inexcusable piles of paper and plastic products, and clumsily bumping into boxes and out-of-place furniture as our kitchen renovation drags on like a snail toting a turtle.

What’s even more shameful than the nutritional and environmental failings is that I’ve been a big, whiny baby about every mishap that has delayed this project. No, that’s only partly true. I’ve also been combative and borderline rude.

I’ve taken on the appliance store. I’ve taken on the flooring company. I’ve taken on the furniture store and the furniture manufacturer. I’ve questioned the plumbing bill, the cabinetry bill, and the appliance installation charges.

Along the way, I’ve reminded myself I’m lucky to have such problems while others are facing real hardships because, oh, by the way, there’s a global pandemic going on! I calm down for a little while and put things in perspective. Until the next injustice — real or perceived — occurs and then I remount my high horse and prepare for battle.

The pandemic for me has been little more than a backdrop, a dramatic play starring other people while I’ve been busy with work, family, and mostly, my unfortunate new role of general contractor. As family and friends have expressed their COVID-related fears and frustrations, I’ve listened and nodded but simply couldn’t relate.

Recently, though, I had one of those dramatic self-awareness moments, like an old timey cartoon lightbulb over my head. Perhaps, I mused, I haven’t exhibited classic pandemic stress because I’ve been transferring my feelings about the state of the world onto the renovation project!

As I pondered the possibility, I could see that I had truly turned our kitchen into a microcosm for all that is wrong in our universe right now. Not just the pandemic, but the political, racial, religious, and other polarizations; the natural disasters; pretty much everything in the headlines. I hadn’t been unaffected, after all. I’d been complaining and lashing out, frustrated and fearful. I’d just been taking it out on the wrong things. And the wrong people.

While it’s been about a week since this revelation, I’ve still struggled a bit with this negative, defensive mindset. At Mass this morning, as we recited the Penitential Rite like we do every Sunday, I found myself drawn into the words:

I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters,

that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words,

in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do…

 I felt compelled to ask forgiveness for every disparaging thought and word I’ve directed at this renovation project and the people related to it. And so, I did. And I felt immediate peace wash over me.

Countertops come this week. The backsplash will follow next month. One thing I can count on is that there will be glitches, possibly resulting in more delays (and more money). It is highly probable, though, that the kitchen will be finished long before the pandemic and other challenges are resolved.

I hope my newfound resolve to be less whiny, less judgmental, more forgiving, and more kind can be sustained not just for the remainder of our renovation, but long after that distraction is gone and I fully engage again with the real challenges at hand.